for as long as I remember, i've wanted to be the perfect child, for my parents especially. the kid that always had perfect grades, listened to her parents, never did anything wrong. it never really worked out too well, tbh. it always led me to hurting myself, or overanalyzing people's reactions thinking i'm doing something wrong. It made me feel alien, like i'll never be able to understand the way people think. like i'll never please them, no matter what i do.

im pretty sure that i'm just being dramatic tho, like i've been a crybaby for a very long time. everytime i do something wrong (mostly when it comes to my parents) it hurts me. like i start thinking about suicide, start to cut myself, etc etc. one of my biggest traumas has to do with me crying too much. te thing is, I don't know how to stop. I don't think i can stop crying, to be honest. it hurts becauseit's my biggest flaw. i'll never be able to fix it and it fucking hurts.

the thing is, i'm losing my patience. by the time i grow old (which will never happen) i'll be screaming at people for breathing wrong. i don't know why, but my temper has gotten shorter and shorter. I lash out at people for some of the tiniest things imaginable. especially my siblings.

about my older brother specifically, he sorta reminds me of this kid in my class i absolutely fucking HATE. he's honestly just not a good dude and as much as i love him, i don't trust him ykwim?

im getting off topic, though.

god, i sound so ungrateful. the thing is, my parents still love me. all of this pressure is unnecessary. so why do i still feel this way?

thanks for reading my vent lol, love u XD

this qna is from mouseling :3

1. Please introduce yourself.

all i can rlly say is my name is mia lol

2. How long have you been making websites?

like a month

3. And what got you into the hobby?

you might not believe this, but i got the

4. What kind of website are you most interested in?

5. What's your workflow? Do you plan your websites out thoroughly or do you come up with the design as you go along?

honestly i just throw stuff at the wall and see if it looks cool

6. Please link to your biggest inspirations.

hillhouse and lazer bunny!!

7. What's your favourite part about making websites?

testing shit out

8. And the thing you struggle with the most?

making sure it actually works

9. Do you keep the same layout on all of your pages? Or do you use different ones?

i try to, it rlly depends on what page it is

10. How confident are you with CSS?

not very confident. I mainly used a layout builder for my site, but i'm defo looking to learn more abt css!!

11. Do you know how to correctly use <dl>?

no :sob:

12. What is your favourite HTML element?

prolly a href, that shit is a lifesaver for me

13. If you're making a new web page from scratch, what is the first thing you do?

14. Do you know JavaScript?

NOPE :sob:

15. How about PHP?

also a big fat NOPE :sob

16. Does your website have a theme that you stick to?

i defo keep the whole creepy-cute theme throughout, i like it :3

17. Are you more focused on content or design?

h

18. Do you own a domain name? If not, would you ever want to?

19. What do you think of nostalgia-focused or "retro" websites?

i think those typa sites are really cool!!

20. Is your HTML valid? Do you even check?

HTML CAN BE VALID OR INVALID???

21. What are your opinion on buttons and banners?

super cool keep doing them

22. What do you think of button walls in particular?

even better!! XD

23. If you started over again, would you make something similar or completely different?

dunno, would prolly do something similar. i like familiarity :3

24. Are you envious of other people's websites?

yes but i think that's because i'm a very jealous person in general

25. What text editor do you use?

the neocities editor lmao

26. Why do you use that one?

i didn't know you could use others :sob:

27. Do you host your image files on your web server, or on another host?

i host them on the server; I didn't know u could host them anywhere else lol

28. This might not be relevant to you, but what's your opinion on the Neocities vs. Nekoweb debate?

i mean i've hardly used nekoweb but both neocities and nekoweb seem to be the same lol

29. How much server space would you estimate your main website takes up?

a little bit

30. Do you keep local backups of your files?

yeah gotta back it up yk

31. Do you prefer simple or highly visual websites?

i think both can look pretty cool!! however, i do find i lean more towards more visual sites

32. Do you stick to certain colours? Do you do that on purpose, or is it your subconscious?

yes, and it is most definitely on purpose.

33. Have you ever thought about quitting? Why?

nah not rlly

34. Do you have many webmaster friends, or is it a solitary hobby?

i mean i have web neighbors does that count

35. Do people in your real life know about your website?

yes it's one of the only things i talk about

36. Do you update your website very often? How often is "very often"?

yes. every two seconds. i save my shit a lot

37. And the overall design, do you change that much? Why or why not?

It's very tedious for me, so i only changed the overall design once.

38. Is your website more you-focused, hobby-focused, or outside world-focused?

I'd say it's more hobby focused tbh

39. Do you do web design professionally?

nope

40. If not, would you like to? And if you're comfortable answering, what do you do for work?

maybe!!! i make kandi for people once a month lol

41. Do you communicate with people by email very much?

i wanna try to do that more!!! sending emails is fun :3

42. Some people reject social media and use websites as a replacement. Do you keep social media outside of your website?

yes. im too addicted not to lol

43. How about instant messengers? Do you use a mainstream one like Discord or Telegram? Or something like Matrix? Do you avoid them?

yeah i dont rlly use them, i js use the imessage app on my phone. i have a discord but I only use that 4 if i ever wanna do voice auditions

44. Do you listen to music while you work on websites? If so, what kinds of artists?

YESS!!! I mainly listen to alternative music in general so i also listen to that while coding

45. Do you keep everything you make on one website, or do you have more than one?

i keep everything on one site. im too lazy to make another lmao /j

46. On a similar note, do you keep to one topic on your site, or many?

i don't js keep to one topic cuz that's boring for me, like i wanna do more!!

47. Do you present your real self, or at least try? Or do you construct a persona on purpose?

i do present as my real self. the internet is my diary XDD

48. Have you ever made a good friend thanks to your website?

i'm only one month in so not rlly unfortunately

49. Are you happy with the way HTML and CSS currently work?

yeah. no reason not to be tbh

50. What are practices that you think people should avoid?

dont know

51. What about under-utilised practices, or things you think people should do more?

also don't know lol

52. Do you use a lot of semantic HTML? Or are you guilty of generic structure?

my structure is prolly generic asf but i dont rlly care

53. Do you consider different browsers?

not rlly, i just use whichever one comes w my computer

54. Speaking of, what's your preferred browser? Convince your readers why they should use it.

i like to use opera gx!! i only use it on my windows computer (which i haven't rlly used in a while since the screen broke) and it's pretty good!! im not very good at convincing ppl so imma leave it at that/

55. And what OS are you on?

chrome os

56. Do you have a strong opinion on that, or do you just happen to use it?

yeah i happen to use it

57. Are your websites mobile-friendly?

not really :sob:

58. What are your thoughts on autoplay?

it's fun, but sometimes can be a pain.

59. What are your thoughts on webrings? Are you in any?

they seem to be pretty fun!! i wanna join one lol

60. Do you have any web shrines? What do you like to see in that sort of page?

i do!! i'm not sure what i specifically like to see honestly

61. Are your websites "cliche", in your opinion?

prolly yeah

62. What is your ideal website? Are you striving for that, or for something else?

honestly i don't know lol

63. Are you an artist? Do you draw or design your own assets?

yes!! i don't design all of them, but i design things like the headers mostly

64. What are your favourite resource sites?

oddity's graphic collection i'll add more l8r

65. Is there a habit you just can't get away from no matter how hard you try?

no clue how to answer this :sob: like is it in general terms or website terms???

66. What's your biggest advice for a new webmaster?

use layout makers they're a life saver

67. Do you keep all your styling in CSS? Or do you hard-code some?

sometimes i do hard code

68. What do you think of frameset layouts?

wtf are frameset layouts :sob:

69. How about table-based layouts?

i think they look pretty interesting!!

70. Do you subscribe to the ideas of "one-column", "two-column" and "three-column" layouts? Do you use any of these?

damn i srsly need to learn more abt html :sob:

71. Do you spend longer on the HTML or the CSS?

html

72. Have you ever made a page with no CSS? It's useful for your thoughts.

that sounds scary lol

73. Do you ever find yourself making layouts with nothing to put on them? Or do you only make layouts when the need arises?

i make layouts when i want to, im slow asd so i dont rlly understand this question :sob:

74. Would you consider yourself a beginner? Or advanced? Somewhere in the middle?

as beginner as a beginner can be lmao

75. Do you have a habit of looking at the source code of websites you visit?

nope!! i should take a look tho

76. How did YOU learn how to make websites?

w3 school, and also sadgrl's layout builder

77. Do you ever force elements to do things they're not supposed to?

sometimes

78. Thoughts on floating elements?

they look pretty cool!! i needa know how ppl do it lol

79. When you're sizing stuff, what do you use first? Do you use px, em, %, or something else?

i use px mostly

80. Do you have a favourite font?

nah

81. Would you run a website with another person? How would that work?

not really, i like running it on my own

82. Do you surf the Web to find new personal websites very often?

yeah!! its fun!!

83. Do you bookmark other people's websites? How would you feel knowing someone else bookmarked yours?

yes!! i'd be honored if someone bookmarked mine cuz like wow u liked it that much??

84. What do you want people to be most impressed with when they see your website?

my theme/my works

85. Are you interested in technology outside of websites? Do you collect?

i have a cd player if that counts (i haven't used it in a while tho)

86. How often and for how long are you online?

everytime i get the chance

87. When it comes to your website, who is your target audience?

i dont rlly have one tbh, whoever comes comes

88. Have you ever been interested in XHTML?

i dont even know what xhtml is, but now i'm interested lol

89. Do you program in general? Have you ever written a program for use with or on your website, not counting simple JavaScript?

not rlly

90. Speaking of programs that help you make websites, what do you think of static site generators (SSGs)? Have you ever used one?

yes. I used one to make the site ur looking at rn!! (specifically sadgrl's layout builder)

91. Do you keep a hitcounter? Why or why not?

no. i look at my site quite a bit and i dont wanna accidentally inflate the hitcounter

92. Do you frequent forums? Which ones?

not rlly, only if i need help w something. in that case i go into a random subreddit

93. Do you write your page content directly into the editor, or do you prepare it elsewhere, like a text document or a Word document?

i just write it in the editor tbh

94. Do you think you appear cool to others? A more accurate answer now: do other people ever say you're cool?

i do not, but sometimes people say i'm cool so i guess?

95. Are you embarrassed of your old work? Have you ever deleted everything out of shame?

yes, but as embarrased as i am, i will NEVER delete it. hell, i'll probably back it up. gotta keep the memories yk?

96. Would you close down your website if you couldn't update it, or would you leave an archive?

i will defo leave an archive!!

97. Do you reveal a lot about yourself on your website? Or are you more secretive?

I reveal a bunch of stuff abt myself, except for personal shit like my age and address

98. Are you willing to reveal who your best online friend is, and/or if they have a website?

that's a secret!!! ;)

99. And do you optimise the images on your website?

i try to

100. We're out of time! How do you feel after answering 100 questions? ....other than exhausted.

this was pretty cool!! i liked it, might do more stuff like this in the future